A Silly Lunch!
Not technically a “bento” since its not packed but a fun lunch, to say the least. Here’s the inspiration:
http://pikkopots.blogspot.com/2007/08/soot-ball-onigiri.html
I’ve spend MONTHS looking at Bento websites and we’re all decked out with all kinds of bento accessories. But alas, we’ve thus far had no opportunity to make such a lunch. This morning, Justin asked if I would make him a lunch to take to work since he would be busy all day. DING DING DING! What a great opportunity to try my technique in preparation for Monday’s First Day of School. Of course, I knew Justin probably wouldn’t appreciate all the Hello Kitty bento stuff we have so I tried to make a more mature bento…except for one little lion pick in his cheese! I’m very excited about expressing my love for my daughter by giving her a healthy, well-planned lunch everyday (well, we all know that it won’t be well-planned everyday…)
Clockwise from top left:
Onion bagel with peppered turkey, provolone cheese, basil and mayo, chunk of co-jack cheese, hard boiled egg, watermelon chunks, carrot slices, blackberries and grape tomatoes to fill in the spaces.
All this started with such a positive prognosis from the physicians and encouraging prayer from everyone. Then to be hit with one piece of bad reality after another, to the point today (6/18/07) where I found out I have (GBM stage 4) an aggressive brain cancer that may ultimately take my life. To be brutally honest, I have never in my entire life been so consistently disappointed in God’s response to prayers in such a short period of time. I guess I can’t help but have a crisis of faith, in which I’m angry at God and wonder if He even cares or hears the prayers of His people anymore. Fortunately, our God is big enough to not be concerned or unchanged by our crises of faith.
The purpose of this letter is not to vent frustration or disappointment. The preceding was the beginning of the spiritual journey God has and is continuing to take me on.
I believe God is allowing this to happen for a great purpose, even if that purpose is to bring me closer to Him. And I have grown so much closer to Him these past few days so that I cry more tears from joy now than sadness.
I’ve known all along that this was no surprise to God. From the timing of the headaches, to the way He’s worked out my summer schedule to even my parents unexpectedly moving to Columbus a few years ago. We kind of always thought it was to help my brother transition into adulthood. But God had this situation in mind the whole time and they were there for us when we needed them and will be there through the treatments.
One of the biggest blessings has been that when I first began teaching in Mt. Gilead, I added to my health plan a small cancer insurance policy through the school. I can’t imagine why a 22 year old, fresh out of college, renting his first apartment, with nothing but the future and a sense of immortality would even consider cancer insurance, but something told me to buy it that day and now it will help pay for everything to come!
Any way, the biggest thing God has taught me these past two weeks has been the simplest truth in all of Christianity. That is that Christianity is about a relationship first and foremost. For years, I never realized how focused I was on the skin of this world, and what is measurable and observable around me. An experience from God had to have logic, revelation and a change in behavior or context. God has broken every one of those premises down this week and then, when I had nothing left to show God, He reminded me He never wanted anything from me in the first place.
Sunday night into Monday morning, I had nothing left and simply asked God to hold me. He did. He picked me up, wrapped me in His arms and rocked me. I had never had such a wonderful prayer time and I didn’t say or think a thing. I let Him do it all. I believe God was telling me that sometimes, all we’re suppose to do is be held, experience relationship. Just be loved. I hadn’t done that in a long, long time. And I cried, sobbed in that hospital bed tears of real joy.
I still know God didn’t answer my prayers and the prayers of some others, but it helped me to think about it this way. There are some days I feel like all I say to Olivia is “No.” “Get off of that!” Put that down!” She gets very angry and confused. And I feel bad always being negative, even though I know that for a time I am doing this for her benefit and protection. It has helped to think about his from God’s point of view. For a period of about 2 weeks here, God has said nothing but “No” to me. I realize He didn’t like saying no just as much as I don’t like to say it to Olivia. God is mourning too, but I believe that His decisions are for my benefit and protection.
I know I may be fighting this tumor off and on for the rest of my life. But in a way a greater miracle has already occurred. The everlasting God of the universe made me a baby again and loves me with a love that is indescribable. So I’m truly optimistic about the future because I know that I don’t have to find the strength in myself. I simply allow myself to be held in these times. And when I don’t even have the strength to allow that, God has assured me that your prayers will get me there. The greatest thing I’ve learned is that I’m powerless and that’ okay.
